Dear Andre,

My husband and I have been together for years and we're very compatible sexually. Recently we’ve begun to explore rougher sex with him in a more dominant role. I really enjoy getting aggressively penetrated from behind, but my husband has an exceptionally long dick and every time I have the desire to get pounded it feels like someone’s stabbing my cervix and I end up with stomach cramps. Not sexy. How can I enjoy more primal energy in the bedroom without fearing like I’m being skewered?

Ooh, I’d be honored to be your rough sex whisperer!

Rough sex can be absolutely electrifying, especially with someone who we trust. People crave it for all kinds of reasons, with some routinely escaping into it and others regarding it as an occasional taboo dalliance. Either way, rough sex tends to have an “eyes bigger than our stomachs” effect on us (or in your case, a “dick bigger than our hole” effect), and that impulse can present real risk.

We see rough sex played out in pornography between professionals in a highly choreographed manner, and it’s human nature to try to recreate what we’re exposed to. Problem is, pornography is more entertainment than it is reality. What we see in rough sex porn is a lot of pounding, choking, gagging and being tossed around. What we aren’t privy to is the copious amount of behind-the-scenes time where the performers are stretching, lubricating, warming up, sipping hot tea, and just generally prepping their bodies for what they’re about to endure with great care (and you better believe those dicks are all far larger than the national average!). Porn performers are sexual athletes; as such, you should be just as hesitant to leap into a hardcore sex scene as you would be to jump into a quarterback role during a NFL game.

So, how can you enjoy rough sex at home with your generously endowed husband without compromising your physical safety and comfort?

First, it’s all about positions. Sex positions that leave very little space between the body that’s penetrating and the body that’s getting penetrated are going to result in, well, deeper penetration. Examples would be doggy-style or woman-on-top. While we often see doggy-style sex heavily fetishized in porn (the lack of eye contact and animalistic quality to it makes it incomparably raw), it’s definitely the position that’s hardest on the cervix. And, just because your husband has a long cock doesn’t mean he has to be inserting the entire length into you with every thrust. With slightly more control on his part, you can enjoy very vigorous sex in this position without him shoving himself into you up to the balls.

Alternatively, you can experiment with other positions that have the same qualities of doggy-style sex without so much vaginal depth. Laying flat on your stomach while your husband inserts himself and lays down on top of you - or kneels and straddles your ass - can feel just as urgent and rugged, as can a spooning position where your husband conforms to your body from behind. You can also stick to doggy-style sex and use an assist like the Ohnut!, “an intimate wearable that can help you manage and even eliminate pain during sex by allowing you to easily customize how deep penetration goes.” It’s basically a soft silicone bumper for the base of one’s cock, and it’s amazing!

Finally, keep in mind that it’s not just the athleticism of sex that defines it as “rough”. Some of the “roughest” sex I’ve ever had was slow, missionary-style penetration while the guy topping me put a hand over my mouth and whispered terrible, delicious filth to me. I encourage you and your husband to work on creating your own unique brand of rough sex that works for you!

Best of luck!

-Andre


If you have your own questions about sex, love, relationships, or any of the moving parts involved therein, drop Andre a line at blog@slixa.com. Be sure to use the subject line "Ask Andre," so we know where to direct your thoughtful questions.

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