Morgan

The 5 Worst Ways to Approach a Provider

Avatar placeholder Article by Aradia Abstruse Blog Slixa Late Night

The thoughtful advice and opinions of the author of this article are meant to be informative and entertaining and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Slixa.

Entertainers are accustomed to being bombarded with silly, nonsensical, and sometimes downright offensive emails on the daily. Some potential “clients” even get off on this sort of thing (I suppose that falls under Rule 34, doesn’t it?). Sometimes, though, someone who means well, but doesn’t know the drill, can unintentionally alienate a provider that they would really like to see.

There are a few things you should NEVER say in your first, second, or, well, any contact with a provider. Not only will you make yourself look like a fool, but you may lose your opportunity to connect with someone who you would have had a wonderful time with. Here are five of the worst possible things that providers encounter in their inbox on a regular basis:

5. Any email including a dick pic

Ms. Karin Sin covered the when and how to properly send a dick pic to anyone, but this is especially relevant to entertainers. This woman who has never met you doesn’t want to immediately be introduced to a grainy, poorly lit photo of your balls. It’s disrespectful, and it’s a good way to get completely ignored.

As Karin said in her article as well: You can bet the only pleasure she’ll be getting out of it is a good laugh as she shows her friends. Even if small penis humiliation is your thing, you won’t even get to hear about it!

4. One word/one line emails

Most providers require more than a “Hi” to get a sense of who you are, whether you are a flake, and whether you two will hit it off. Time is money, honey, and entertainers are running a business. Sending them a “hi” doesn’t give enough information to go on, suggests you probably didn’t do your research on what they ask for in your first contact with them, and drags out what could be a quick exchange leading to your first meeting. 

3. Asking if she offers [XYZ] service that she specifically lists as a hard limit

If you cannot respect her clearly stated boundaries, why on Earth would she think you deserve her time? You expect her to respect your privacy, maintain discretion, and listen to your hard boundaries... why wouldn’t you offer to do the same? Each entertainer has a different set of boundaries; if there is something that specifically appeals to you, find someone who offers it instead of haranguing someone who has explicitly stated that your interest is not shared.

Unless you want her to assume that your preferences are irrelevant (what? You didn't want to spend your time with her listening to her analyze 15th century French poetry?  Sing Backstreet Boys loudly while you're in public?  Forcing you to play Monopoly even though it is possible the worst board game ever invented?), don't do the same to her.

2. Assume she’s available 24/7

We know you are excited. Hey, we are too!

Many entertainers are in this job because we love meeting and getting to know new people. Most of us, though, are not available on-call, and even those who are often cannot be available in five minutes from when you send your email. We have hobbies, families, other jobs, academic obligations, just like you.

Plus, you wouldn’t want to meet with an entertainer who showed up stressed out and negative because she didn’t give herself time to get ready, would you? Part of set-up time includes mentally and physically preparing to be that glamazon you see in photos.  

Think of the wait while scheduling as a countdown, and relish the anticipation. I promise it will make your experience twice as good.  

1. Try haggling over her booking fees

These days jobs are scarce and money is tight. Everyone can sympathize with the plight of someone who is broke and cannot afford the luxury services that they desire. However, this is not an excuse to attempt to haggle with a provider, not ever, and especially not in your first contact with her. It’s insulting. Would you be okay with your boss negotiating your paycheck with you? It’s a good way to demonstrate that you don’t respect her, her time, or her company, and gives her a good reason to relegate all future communication to the spam folder.

Hopefully reading this will help you take pause next time you make the move to contact a provider! Respect begets respect, and honoring her time and company means that she will honor yours in return.

If you tread lightly, keep your dick pics in your pocket, and treat your favorite entertainer how you would like to be treated, you will surely reap the benefits of what you sow.


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