Group SeXXX is HOT! Group SeXXX is “IN”! Inviting friends over or having an Erotic Consultant organize an evening venue is a great way to explore. Labor Day weekend I had the absolute pleasure of meeting fierce femme Nina Love. I am thrilled to have participated in her live demo Group Sex with Nina Love. I’m lucky now to share some of that love with you. Let’s talk the secrets of success: gang bangs, orgies, parties, wwinging or just an every day threesome!
Hey Nina! Great to speak with you again. Thank you for agreeing to an interview for my followers here on Slixa. I've never seen anyone able to get a half dozen people on stage performing live sex acts for strangers as fast ‘n’ easy as you. Fabulous!
Hi! Thank you for having me!
Absolutely! So Nina - Explain the difference on Gang Bangs, Orgies, Key Parties & Swinging!
It’s mainly how sexual partners are chosen, plus who and how many partners share experience. Gang bangs, for example, typically have one person \as the focus of sexual energy from multiple partners. Orgies tend to be more fluid. There can be one on one interactions that last just a few minutes until someone else joins or energy is focused to another person or group. Key parties and swinging are usually one on one interactions. Swingers tend to “swap” with another couple. This can be steady “play partners” that the couple has built a relationship with, or someone that they just meet at a swingers party. Key Parties, on the other hand, are more random. The guests are typically very carefully selected, because once you get there, you don’t know who you are going to end up with for the night. You’re partner is chosen by chance, by matching up keys.
Matching keys? Would you elaborate for us?
Key parties were big in the sixties and seventies. The scenario typically a select group of upper middle class married couples who got together for seemingly innocent, even sophisticated, cocktail parties. At the beginning of the night, however, all of the men put their keys into a bowl. At the end of the night, the women choose a key at random. That is the person they went home with. No strings attached. Today key parties have evolved to meet the needs of community.
Hm. It seems important to have a clear vision of what you want - knowing what your expectations are - so that you don't feel "cheated" by experiencing something different.
Well, yes, though I think what is important here isn’t the differences between these super sexy, fun group exchanges, it’s the similarities. What all of these things have in common is the objective of sharing hot, powerful sexual energy; to have a good time, explore your boundaries - have fun. If you are finding yourself in a new situation – you are new to a group that hosts key parties, or you are invited to an orgy, or you are totally new to the group sex scene – the important thing to find out is: what are the ground rules?
Not all gang bangs are alike. You need a clear idea of what your expectations are going in, and just as important you need to know the rules of etiquette for that group. The best way to do that is to talk to the host, they want everyone to have fun.
So as long as there is a communication huddle before a scene to be sure the focus is clear in everyone's mind, a group encounter can work really well - even if the people are meeting for the first time. How did you get so smart on the sizzle of this style of sex play?
Oh, I learned the hard way. I’ve made many mistakes and stepped on a couple of toes. It took awhile before I figured out that there were classes that I could attend. I could sit back in a safe environment and just listen to other people’s experiences. Once I was comfortable, I started asking questions. Everyone has always been very welcoming and willing to share their insights. We all start out as the newbie in a group scene.
Is it normal to have some "performance anxiety" in a menage a trois or group?
Women definitely have the upper hand here. There is no stigma around women who don’t get wet – if they have “performance anxiety” or a chronic vaginal dryness, you just add lube and move on. It’s just as common for men to experience performance anxiety. It’s important for women to make it a non issue. If your goal is to share sexual energy – versus say just “getting off”, then performance becomes much less about getting hard and more about being open to giving and receiving energy and touch. If you are a man and concerned about performance anxiety, take steps to eliminate the anxiety. Explore other ways to please your partner(s) and share energy, bring someone with you who makes you more comfortable, or take on a more voyeuristic role until you are ready to share your energy in a different way.
Sure. I've accompanied friends to events so I totally get it, Nina. You explain that in such a sensitive way. Anything else?
It’s also important not to set yourself up to fail. One of the mistakes that I made as a “newbie” was having this unrealistic expectation of what an orgy would be like. I thought I would automatically connect with others, that I would be immediately turned on and have a hundred mind blowing orgasms. Needless to say, I was disappointed. I was lucky enough to make friends with a sweet woman who gave me some amazing advice. She said, she never expects to have sex. Her goal is to get dressed up, feel sexy, make friends, make out, and share energy. Anything beyond that is icing on the cake. Ever since that I always have a good time. I usually get lots of icing on my cake!
Sweet! (Laughs) Are there normal feelings of guilt or "WTF" that people get afterward ?
Yes! Those feelings are totally normal. Especially since society tells us that we should be sexually and emotionally monogamous. Sometimes people find that it really isn’t for them, and that is ok. It’s important to not hold it against yourself for exploring your sexual and emotional boundaries. If you don’t try it, you won’t know. I was chatting with one woman who felt an enormous amount of anxiety about her guilt. When I suggested the book “The Ethical Slut” by Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy, she was shocked that they wrote books about the topic. What she was really surprised to find out was that she wasn't the only person who experienced guilt, that there were in fact so many people that someone wrote a book about it. Knowing she wasn’t alone alleviated most of her anxiety.
Is there anything you recommend people do before stepping into a scene so that they are more comfortable? So that they make it all the sexier?
For me the most important thing that I can do to make any group scene sexier is taking care of myself. I get a manicure and pedicure; get my hair done; take a long hot shower, put on my sexiest lingerie. I really pamper myself. Not only does it help me feel good about myself, but it helps me put the daily grind behind me and focus on the steamy fun that lies ahead. It also makes the scene sexier for everyone else involved. I recommend the same thing for the guys too.
You give some of the best “safe sex” tips I’ve seen during a live demo. What are a few tips for folks new to this type of play?
My passion is about self expression: through fashion, through communication, through SEX! My website focuses on where I’m going and what I’m doing so I do list some resources that I’ve found particularly helpful in learning about safe sex, and also sharing group sexual energy.
With that I think one of the most important things that I’ve learned – and for many people, one of the hardest things to do – is to stand up for yourself. We are in this to have fun. We want to be able to keep having fun , allowing others to do the same. If you see something that you are uncomfortable with or someone is trying to cross a boundary, don’t be afraid to say something. Everyone has different views of what they consider safe. That’s fine, but you need to make sure your views line up. Don’t find yourself in an unsafe situation because you don’t want to be party pooper.
Along the same line, I always suggest that you bring your own toys. Bring your own safe sex supplies and, especially if you are new to a group, bring a partner or erotic consultant that you are comfortable with – a safety net if you will.
Lastly, it’s important for everyone to remember that they aren’t alone. No matter how weird they think they are, there is someone out there who has the same fetish. Don’t be afraid to talk to people. Share your stories, ask questions.
Life is too short not to have fun!
Agreed! You are going to be in Philadelphia soon. I’d love to do another “Demo” with you ...
Yes! I’m going to be teaching Playing With Your Whole Body at Passional this Saturday, October 12th at 6 PM. It's all about creating hot, silly, fun, kinky, or sensual scenes using your whole body! It’s about letting go and being comfortable with your body, exploring your partners body and pushing limits. It’s a class for everyone, no experience or toys are required. Information available on Event Brite.
Where else will you be this season?
Next is New York City. Then teaching at New Jersey Leather Pride. Vending in Washington DC 10/26 where I'll be debuting my new online store. More information on that is avaiable on the Nina Love website.
Awesome! Thank you, Nina, for taking time out of your busy schedule to share some safe Group SeXXX tips with us at Slixa. We wish your new online store nothing but success, and safe, sexy travels to you, Love!