Now that you have my sex party rules in mind, you’re ready to attend your first local sex party! Finding a sexy event near you may be as simple as checking the local paper or "weekly" in a hub like NYC or San Francisco. But for smaller towns and more obscure locations you may need to do a bit more research and planning before you find an event that is right for you and the type of play you'd like to experience.
Kinky? Get on Fetlife - Fetlife.com is an online community for kinky people and players in the BDSM 'scene' (BDSM - Bondage, Discipline, Domination, Submission, Sadism and Masochism). On the site you can find members based on common interest, or search events near your location. You can comment and chat and really get to know the locals before you even leave the house. This will help break the ice for your first encounters.
Get Munching - Munches are local meet and greet type events that are held within the kink community. Search the term "Munch" and your city name or the nearest large city you'd be willing to travel to. If nothing relevant comes up add "BDSM" to your query. Munches are a great way to meet others in the kink community in a less sexually charged environment. Make some friends and ask around about local events.
Check out Kasidie.com - Similar to Fetlife with less of a kink bent, Kasidie is a social network for connecting with folks with similar sexual interest Great for "swingers, uninhibited sexually adventurous couples, singles and groups." The site lists events and parties as well as providing a resource for clubs around the world.
Local Sex Shop - Search google for sex shop and see what pops up in your vicinity. You don't necessarily have to go down to the shop (but that would be fun, wouldn't it?) Start by giving them a call and asking if they know of any sexy parties in the area. If they can't help you, they might be able to recommend someone who can.
Local Strip Club - You can walk into a local bar and ask the bartender lots of questions and they usually can help. Where's a good burger joint? What's the local's favorite drink? Where's the nearest hardware store? All important questions, but as many people as they interact with in a day they probably don't chat with too many of them about sex parties. BUT the dancers, bartenders, and support staff at a stripclub talk to even more people every day, and they are more likely to have some leads on all things sexy, whether from someone in-house or via regular customers.
You can also use your social networks like Facebook and Twitter to search for nearby events or people who host them, depending on your circle of friends this could be easy or more tenuous. Remember, especially with Facebook, it's good to assume anything you write outside of a private message can be seen by everyone, despite your privacy settings.
With all of these channels I do offer a word of caution. Not everything on the web is always what it seems. If something seems off, or too good to be true it probably is. Make sure you check references and don't provide your payment information for any event until you confirm through real partygoers that the event is legit.
Other resources for finding a local sex event - Fetish Magazines and Swinger Websites: