If you're sexually driven and open or curious you might have considered or fantasized about attending a sex party at some point in your life. Once you finally get the chance to attend your first fetish event or swinger party, it's important that you keep your cool. Follow these basic rules to ensure that you enjoy yourself and allow others to have their fun too.

My background: I've attended fetish events large and small, from the Upper Floor at Kink.com to intimate events held in friend's homes. The rules laid out below are pretty basic and should apply across the board.

Check at the entrance (or on the website or evite) for the party rules. If they're not posted clearly ask the party planner if there are any specifics you should know. It's much better to know rather than to assume that the party is a free for all.

Some parties allow full nudity and sex while others might only allow partial nudity and some play. For example, a public event will often necessitate women wear a g-string and pasties and men keep their business covered. For a private event there may be a schedule that says no nudity before a certain time, so that partygoers have the opportunity to arrive and mingle a bit before things get frisky.

Know the space

There may be areas that are off limits, like a private bedroom or personal bathroom. For a party at a porn studio like Kink.com's Upper Floor there will be areas where action will be on film and other spaces that are safe for you to play outside of the watchful eye of the camera. Make sure you know the difference, if you don't want to show up online later, or if you do!

Know the boundaries

Consent is key. Just because a sexy person is in attendance at a sexy party that doesn't mean they are down for whatever. Just because someone is naked doesn't mean they are available to be touched. Always ask first, it will be appreciated and will diminish any chance of unwanted awkwardness. This goes for party goers who are both dressed and undressed and those who you've already chatted with or haven't yet spoken to. A quick can I touch your ƒ (arm, breast, ass etc)?î will always be appreciated. This applies to people of all genders. Just because you're a woman and you see a man with a nice ass, you are not exempt from asking before you give it a smack!

Check your expectations

If you're heading to a sex party in search of a sure-thingî you might as well stay home. Just because party goers are sexually charged and getting down and dirty with their friends, you can't expect them to warm up to a stranger immediately. You still need to make friends and see what happens. If you have expectations of a magical threesome you're bound to be let down.

What you can expect

You can expect to see all different kinds of people and bodies in sexy states of dress and undress. Getting and giving massages and doing some creative forms of play. Respect other's space when they are playing. If they are playing within view, it's completely alright and expected that you might enjoy watching the action. I recommend not commenting or making commentary unless you are engaged by someone involved in the play. No one appreciates a sex party heckler. Stay respectful and quietly chat with those around you if you'd like. Interrupting a scene with a play by play or loud personal opinion is a no-no.


If you show up with a partner, make sure you give them attention too. There will be a lot to see, but you always want your date to know you've got one eye on them. Other people might be checking out your play partner, and this is not the time to feel threatened or jealous. Appreciate that your playmate is sexy and others are enjoying the view. Let her or him know and show affection. If you're looking to expand your horizons your current partner should feel safe to do so as well. You don't want to alienate them, make sure you include them, share in the fun and be supportive of each other.

Enjoy æ

Have fun and enjoy the view, be respectful and courteous and don't come with expectations. These are my tips for a great play party. I hope they work for you.