Whether you’re an escort or a client, the odds of you getting what you want go up manifold if you’re an effective communicator.
We’re in the pleasure industry. That means most of us already have a shared goal: we want to have a good time. We want to make each other’s lives better. When we fail to either deliver or achieve ‘better,’ it’s usually because of a critical misunderstanding on one or both sides.
This guide will lay out how to clearly and effectively communicate, so we can all have more positive experiences in the demimonde.
1. Never assume. Shorthand is fine when it comes to jotting down minutes from a meeting at work, but not so much when communicating with a new partner. We all draw from different backgrounds and experiences, and that’s never more true than in client-escort relationships.
These relationships can often span cultures, generations, religions, socio-economic classes, etc. and while those differences make the magic of connection all the more profound (and lay fertile soil for learning and growth on both sides), they also mean a client and their chosen escort may not operate with the same set of baseline givens.
Does her website state no PDA in her hometown, but not mention the protocol on FMTYs? Ask! Did he welcome you to stay in touch after a wonderful first date, but didn’t specify whether he can safely receive spicier correspondences by email or text? Ask!
Dotting the ‘t’s and crossing the ‘i’s might seem inefficient in the moment, but preventing trouble is always more efficient than trying to clean up a mess. Err on the side of overcommunication.
2. Say the obvious. While my forays into the demimonde have both taught me a lot and spiced up my otherwise quite square life, I have always maintained a full-time professional career outside of escorting. This particular tip is one I learned while working at a seed stage startup in rapid growth mode. It’s also been the single change I’ve made to my communications as an escort that’s had the biggest delta on the joy of my relationships.
Say the obvious thing! Why? Because often it’s only obvious to you.
Does the blue of his shirt bring out the beauty of his eyes? Does it make your heart flutter when he places his hand on the dip of your lower back? Do you appreciate it when he books the restaurant you mentioned in an X post a few weeks back? Say it!
Does it make you melt when she slips her hand into yours in the elevator up to your room after dinner? Is she lovely in heels but irresistible in sneakers? Do you want her to hold you in the tender moments after ecstasy, to stroke your hair and be one in the silence with you? Say it!
3. Assign positive intentions. Companionship is a luxury, not a core necessity, and this puts client and escort alike in a power position relative to those in needs-based relationships. The power is desire. As a client, you sought her out because you are drawn to her. As an escort, you know your client’s priors on you are positive. That’s a great starting point for any interaction!
Sometimes wires get crossed. Sometimes we express ourselves imperfectly. When we remember that we’re interacting by choice, that we’re here because we believe we can add a little sunshine to each other’s days, we’re better able to clarify ambiguities and sidestep misunderstandings before they get a chance to create bad feelings.
Did he call her cakes fat, but she doesn’t know if he means aughts era phat or if he’s side-eyeing her negi-toro consumption? Did she make a deprecating comment about stiff suits, but he reports to his investment banking job in The Andover Shops’ finest?
When it comes down to it, even the most adamant buyers of stereotypes make exceptions for the people they care about. When in doubt, assume your partner likes you. Assume they mean no harm.
4. Lead with a thesis statement. The iPhone’s release in 2007 brought the smartphone to the masses and our attention spans have never been the same since. Yes, we should read every word of every article and listen to all the nuanced points of a lovers’ speech. Does it always happen? No. Don’t let your main points get lost in the murky middle of a monologue.
If you’re starting a conversation to make a specific ask or share a specific point, include that in a succinct thesis statement at the beginning of your communications. Use the body to flesh it out, but don’t start with backstory and pitch your request two-thirds of the way in.
If you want to know if you can peg him, don’t let him think the conversation is about Randle Cotgrave’s bilingual French-English dictionary and the origins of smut. If you’re asking for virtual companionship during your extended work trip, don’t let her think you want to discuss the implications of AI for OnlyFans creators.
Make your point, or your ask, and then flesh it out from there.
5. Play the waiter. I see you dudes and dudettes indulging in all the good life has to offer, fine dining not excepted. You know what good service looks like. When you’ve finished stating your order, your waiter takes a minute to repeat the full order back to you before passing it onto the kitchen. Why? Because that’s how they make sure what you said and what they heard are one and the same.
In tricky situations or high stakes communications, paraphrase your partner’s main points before responding. By summarizing what they’ve said in your own words, you can confirm that you understood their meaning correctly. That way you know you’re communicating in like terms.
6. Hit pause. Have you ever said something and later realized you didn’t mean it? If you answered yes, chances are it happened in a moment of heightened emotion.
Maybe you promised her top billing in your Will after she edged you straight to nirvana. Maybe you fired him after he made fun of your liberal arts degree. Maybe you both tore down a boundary when your heart rate was 120 and your hormones were doing the electric boogie across your CNS.
Don’t make big decisions with far-reaching consequences during heady moments. Hit pause. By tabling the conversation for later you can avoid saying something in the heat of the moment that you’ll come to regret when cooler heads prevail.
Particularly for companions and clients who prefer extended dates and ongoing relationships, communication is a key skill. Unless you’re going for short wham-bam style meetings, most of your time together will be spent engaging with each other mentally and emotionally, not just sexually.
Effective communication lays the groundwork for safe intimacy with strangers, both physical and emotional. When you do it correctly, you’ll be able to shorten the time it takes to go from ‘hello’ to ‘here’s my heart.’ At the end of the day, we don’t come here to jam body parts together: we come here to feel good.
