As a women who personally loves to sext (and I’m including online convos in my slightly broader than normal definition), I feel that it’s my duty to all women everywhere to make sure that you guys are doing it the best you can. Here are my top nine tips for perfecting the art of sexting.
1. Set the stage.
The biggest difference between getting on via text and doing it IRL (that's In Real Life, for you luddites) is the fact that you guys aren’t in the same place. While you might be fine with going straight to the “you put this here and I’ll put that there” talk, she’s probably going to need a little bit of what we writers call exposition to get her into the scene.
The great thing about this is that you guys can be literally anywhere you want to be. If she’s totally into naughty schoolgirl situations, describe how the classroom looks. Tell her all about her sexy knee socks and the hard-on they’re giving you and how you can’t stand up from your desk because you’re worried she’ll see it.
I guarantee she’ll want to hear more.
2. Is it her pussy? Her cunt? Her dripping wet snatch?
There are about a million different words that we use to describe our body parts and the many, many different things we like to do with them. Nothing is more embarrassing than being corrected on your choice of terminology mid-sext session, so be sure to follow her lead: If she says she wants you to titty-fuck her, don’t "make love" to her breasts!
Also, don’t hesitate to let her know if you’re not so into the words she’s using. A couple of lines after she talks about grabbing your “Johnson,” mention that you love it when she says the word “cock.” She’ll pick up on the subtle hint and appreciate the fact that you’re a smooth mutha who doesn’t embarrass her by calling her out.
3. Be careful with questions.
You don’t want to come off as needy, unless that’s your thing. (In which case, do it up, you sexy submissive!) Tone and delivery are super, super hard to communicate via text, so if you’re going to ask questions, make sure it’s impossible to misinterpret them.
You love that huge cock, don’t you?
You’re a dirty girl, aren’t you?
Do you want me to put it in your ass?
You get the idea.
4. You can ask, but don’t ask more than once.
You’ve asked her for a picture. She’s said no.
DON’T ASK AGAIN!
If you keep pushing for that sexy shot of her finger-fucking herself, she’s just going to feel pressured and uncomfortable. Nothing kills a woman’s arousal (or a man’s, for that matter) faster than feeling like she’s not pleasing her, so be happy with the knowledge that you’re turning her on and keep the conversation moving.
5. No txt spk pls.
You’re not a 12-year-old girl, so please stop typing like one. Abbreviations have their time and place and a sext is not, not, not it. I understand that you’re working one-handed and most of your attention is focused elsewhere, so typos are okay but please at least make the effort to spell out the whole word, vowels included.
Literate men are sexy. Be a literate man.
6. Keep her hooked by listening to her cues.
If your descriptions of how her face looks as you slam your cock into it are generating responses like “k” and “uh huh,” she’s probably not into whatever you’re laying down. In fact, she’s probably playing Candy Crush and chatting with a friend about how lame this is. Change the topic or ask her what she’d like to do to get her back into the game.
Trust me: If you’re telling a story and she suddenly starts talking about apartment rentals midway through, it’ll be embarrassing and will definitely kill the mood. Bye-bye boner.
7. A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell.
Just because you can show your buddies what you talked about doesn’t mean you should. Your online and cellphone sex should be kept just as private as what happens in your bedroom. That means that you’re totally free to tell your buddies that you got into some seriously hot sexting yesterday but are absolutely not free to show them any screens, especially if they contain photos.
Show a little respect. This woman was willing to really go out on a limb and open up to you but she never signed up to getting it on with all of your friends.
If you’re having trouble with this one, just think about the fact that if she found out you’d shared, she’d never, ever do it again.
Yeah, gonna keep it to yourself from now on, aren’t you?
8. Make sure you give it to her IRL too.
If you spend all day working your lady up with your chatting skills, make sure you follow up as soon as you see her next. Teasing is a huge part of the appeal of sexting, but drawing it out too long is just going to leave the interaction with blue balls.
9. Charge your phone.
Sounds obvious and “doh!” but it’s easy to get distracted when you have the phone in one hand and your dick in the other. Keep an eye on that little bar in the corner because if your phone runs out of juice and you leave her hanging, I highly doubt she’ll be coming back for more.
And there you have it! Miss Ruby’s top tips for supreme sexting. Follow these rules and I promise you’ll have hours upon hours of hot, wet, sexy one-handed fun ahead of you.