Nature Labs' line of Nature Lovin’ personal lubricants has introduced Cosmic Bear, a glow-in-the-dark lube that isn’t here to answer your prayers, or most of your questions.

The company site does attempt to answer the “Why, God, why?” with, "No matter how dark the room is, you'll never lose this bottle of lube!" If that was ever a genuine problem, it could be solved with a glowing bottle instead of a glowing lube. Also, the sorts of people who can’t turn on a light while naked are not the sorts to buy neon green lube. But I digress.

Cosmic Bear is here regardless, and it showed up in my mailbox recently begging to be reviewed. How could I say no to this cute, six-ounce, bear-shaped bottle? Like all of Nature Lovin’s lubricants, the product comes in a clear bear that mimics the appearance of a traditional bottle of honey. I wouldn’t advise you to store it in your cupboard near the real deal, but if you did, and you accidentally poured some into your tea, rest assured that it at least wouldn’t kill you. Despite its radioactive appearance, this lubricant is non-toxic, which is a major point in its favor.

Another point in its favor: this stuff is completely ridiculous. It’s just as bright out of the bottle as in it, just as bright as your glow-dick is going inside a pussy as it is coming out. It’s sort of hilarious, sort of gross, and totally amusing. If you’re looking for a novelty gift for a friend or a fun surprise for a partner, you’d have a hard time topping Cosmic Bear. And if you’re a pornstar escort, performer, or one of the handful of people out there with a fetish for the supernatural, you will never tire of this.

Let’s be honest, though: The fun factor of this lube is going to wear off for most of us before we reach the bottom of the bottle, especially because Cosmic Bear is water-based. Water-based lubricants are great for inserting anal plugs and beads, and to help you to ease into your partner’s vagina. If you’re looking for a lube you can really slather on for continuous fucking, though, water-based lubricants aren’t the top pick; they’re easily absorbed by the body, so they aren’t very long lasting. The slightly tacky, functionally useless residue that is left on the surface of the skin can easily be reactivated with a little spritzing (or spitting), but oil- or silicone-based lubes are just easier to use. However, silicone lube destroys silicone toys, and oil lube eats holes through latex, so if you use a silicone strap-on with a condom, like I do (That artsy photo at the top is my strap-on coated in glow-lube. As you can see, I chose to wipe the extra on my thighs instead of a hand towel.) There was some collateral damage a water-based lube is your best bet. I recommend water-based gels for this, which are longer-lasting and cheaper than this twenty dollar six-ounce bottle.

A water-based gel also isn’t going to blow your cover if you need discretion. Imagine your partner finding a lipstick stain on your collar. Now imagine her finding a glowing green smear on your dick. Even if you’re using this with your partner, you might have some explaining to do to your five-year-old if he runs in crying about monsters under the bed only to see that Mommy and Daddy’s sheets are glowing green. No, Sonny, that’s not monster slime, but it’s best you don’t ask any questions about it.

I wouldn’t recommend Cosmic Bear to anyone as their primary lubricant given these issues. If you’re looking to put a little spooky fun into your sex life, however, you won’t find a better product than this.

NatureLab's Cosmic Bear Lubricant can be purchased here.

Disclaimer: NatureLabs provided Slixa with the product for this sex toy review but did not provide any compensation to the company or the author for writing it. The review reflects the author's honest opinion and is not a paid endorsement.