Like your favorite OnlyFans girls, the Trump administration came in with a bang. DOGE is turning Capitol Hill on its head, but what about those of us who like to give (and get) head? It’s possible there will be hard times ahead, but we’re a handy bunch. Here’s a look at what may be cumming– er, coming, for us.
1. Law and order getting stricter than your favorite dominatrix? No one hates FOSTA-SESTA more than a working girl. Instead of shutting down sex trafficking, it made it harder for us to use online spaces to advertise, screen, and stay safe. The Trump administration has previously leant into Baddy Daddy vibes, supporting increased law enforcement, so it’s possible we’ll see even tighter enforcement of the laws that madden us.
To Do: Take a cue from asset managers and diversify, baby! We face the daily threat of being kicked off of social media platforms and shut out of ad sites. Even if your X account is stacked to the nines, don’t rest on your laurels – expand to other platforms, like BlueSky, and set up a personal website, preferably self-hosted.
Above all, try to own your contacts! A mailing list can be the best way to ensure you can reach your lovers if the net goes dark for ladies of the night (or mid-morning, for the diurnal like moi).
2. Vice coming for our vices? Trump rode in on a family values platform and family first crusaders tend to use anti-trafficking narratives as a front to come after us naughty, naughty girls. Now we know Trump himself probably doesn’t mind a hot girl hustle (shout-out to Melania), but if prominent lobbying groups sway the administration to prioritize anti-trafficking initiatives we could see a tsunami of raids, arrests, and prosecutions crashing down on the sex industry.
To Do: Make like post-Silk Road crypto exchanges and KYC, honey! Know Your Customer rules aren’t just there to save memecoins from accidentally doing a cartel’s laundry. If references were your screening de rigeur, or if you didn’t screen at all, now is the time to reconsider.
The most effective way to eliminate risk is to abstain, but no one gets their rocks off through abstention. The second best is to know who you’re meeting – what their name is, what they do for a living, and that your secret is secured with the historically proven strategy of mutually assured destruction.
3. Harm reduction going the way of the Dodo? The Trump administration is unlikely to support harm reduction outreach such as free public access to STI testing, prophylactics, and legal support. This could lead to community-wide repercussions, such as increased STI rates and accelerated development of antibiotic-resistant strains of gonorrhea, syphilis, chlamydia, and trichomoniasis.
To Do: Learn from your LELO and DIY it, sugar! As an independent escort, you are the worker, the boss, and the HR department. It’s time you make it rain benefits– you’re Usher at the club in ’08, but the Benjamins are HSA contributions and the ACA marketplace is your stage.
Health is wealth and your assets are worth the investment. Your quarterly report should include full-panel STI testing and all-covered-everything is the name of the game. BBBJ who? Never heard of him. DATY? Slip those Lorals on and enjoy.
4. Competition getting stiffer than a blue pill special? Broader economic policies under the Trump administration may include cuts to social services and welfare programs, pushing more people into the industry. DOGE’s slashing of departments on Capitol Hill could have bodacious bureaucrats swapping their M.M.LaFleur for Agent Provocateur.
To Do: You can’t drown if you’re on top, sweet cheeks! Now more than ever, it’s critical to set yourself apart. Your brand, your communications, and your in-date experiences should all be not only professional quality, but specific to you.
Are you a freekaleek kinkster with more toys than Babeland? Own it! Are you a sweet Southern belle whose cookies are only topped by her coo–? Lean into that! Your tribe will find you and be loyal, if there they’re for you and not just Big Boobed Blondie #3.
These are uncertain times, with plenty of changes ahead, but you’re like Lin Manuel Miranda’s Hamilton and you’ll do what it takes to survive (cue harmony). If you have the bandwidth to lend a little extra support to the community, get in touch with your local sex worker rights groups. Like any duo, trio, tetro, more hands make merrier work!
