We live in incredible times. These days, practically anything is possible thanks to evolutionary technology, location-mapping, and the internet. You can meet your soul mate without the awkward mess of small talk due to online dating. Don’t like that unsightly dog poop on the steps leading to your apartment? Out source labor by posting a task to employment websites such as Task Rabbit or Craigslist. Avoid horrifying high school reunions by keeping up with friends, friends of friends, and people you don’t really like but are still interested in knowing about through Facebook.
The Internet is a wild, yet well-organized place. Not only can you utilize nano-second technology to find out the etymology of any word, the answer to any question, or the medical resources to self-diagnose that problematic cough you’ve been having, you can also take advantage of the millions of data-collecting resources available online to provide you with information about the habits of your fellow human beings. And for today’s discussion, we pulled statistics from Jezebel and Porn Hub to determine which days of the week people masturbated the least.
Using an interactive infographic, we see a dramatic drop in the porn-viewing times during major holidays, crises, and other seminal events. According to Jezebel, “The PornHub graphics also compare individual countries' traffic with worldwide PornHub surfing, underscoring the power that holidays have in making people close that particular tab to brave family obligations, or the opportunity to close the deal with a real person during the NYE countdown. Or, in the case of the Royal Wedding, they underscore how much the UK was invested in Wills and Kate, while the rest of the world did not care nearly as much.”
According to this study, not only are folks going to Porn Hub less during holidays, people masturbate considerably less when they have to travel long distances for vacations, family outings, or when they are experiencing high levels of consumer stress (hence the drop in the jerk off populace from Black Friday onward).
The interesting aspect of this article is that, although it does a wonderful job of presenting information about how much regular users are or are not using Porn Hub for their own self pleasure, it does not actually measure how often people are masturbating. When faced with the stress and preoccupation of the holiday season, Porn Hub diehards may turn to alternative methods of stimulation to accommodate their busy schedules. My research shows no drop in vibrator sales, fleshlights, or blow up dolls, so it could be speculated that many are turning to erotica, their imaginations, or their romantic interests are the air turns chilly. Perhaps the dip in Porn Hub hits has more to do with the presence of discerning family members than a decrease in sex drive, or maybe decreased access to Internet venues. Whatever it may be, with Porn Hub at a slowed pace from here to early January, now is the perfect time to take advantage of supporting local bookstores for your erotica, hooking up with a hot new piece on OkCupid, or finding yourself a good way to let off all that holiday steam.