We all know that getting your fuck on with an escort that is exactly your type and willing to perform that certain ‘service’ is the thing that dreams are made of. We also know escort sites make finding a professional sex worker so easy and, most importantly, safe. But what about those moments when an escort is out of the question?
Look, we all love steak or [insert preferred vegan dish here]! But you can’t eat it every night! Sometimes, you want a night inside with a bottle of lube and your favorite 40 you can chug until the night fades away. You want the best porn on the planet, and that’s where my expert ass comes in to give that to you!
When you want to beat off to the best porn out there, you need to visit me over on ThePornDude! I review the hottest porn sites out there. Many of which you can get off to for the low cost of fucking nothing! For free porn sites that will make you cum as furiously as if you got yet another fine escort on Slixa, take a peek and see what I’ve reviewed as of late!
So much porn!
What makes my porn review site a must-visit for those of you that are serious about finding the hottest and best free porn sites on the Internet? For starters, I expertly review every site that I encounter. I am always on the prowl for new, hot porn sites. Especially for those that don’t cost you a goddamn cent!
When I find a porn site I consider reviewing, the site undergoes a wide-ranging analysis where I document what makes the porn site amazing and what makes it suck harder than your dating life. Because you see, I don’t just casually look at a porn site, jack off for five minutes, and call it a day. I analyze every aspect of the porn site!
From the amount of content on the site, the variety of content, how sexy the content is, how easy it is to explore everything, the simplicity of finding the content you crave via categories, tags, performer’s pages, right down to the user interface, the color scheme of the site, and how it makes your balls tingle. I cover every aspect of a porn site and roll it into a proverbial dildo that you can then shove into the back of your throat and fuck your mouth with until it ejaculates kernels of knowledge into your mind.
That’s a long, roundabout way of saying that if you read my reviews you are going to discover the hottest porn sites and WHY they are the hottest porn sites, but it’s appropriate to get my fucking point across. I take porn extremely seriously! Because I know that you don’t want to waste your time jerking off to porn that fucking sucks, I provide in-depth reviews that, by the end of the review, will tell you everything you need to know about whether a site will get you hard or will leave you flaccid.
Pornographic gaming!
But I don’t just review tube sites and porn galleries! Getting off to porn is not just about watching amazing videos or sexy pornographic galleries! The times are changing, and the way we consume porn does too! That includes jerking off to porn games!
Now, before you start scoffing at the idea, let me cock slap some sense into you: these are not your daddy’s porn games! You won’t find ‘sexy Tetris’ games here. These are 21st century sexualized games that, often, feel like big-budget productions!
The awesome thing about the pornographic games that I review regularly is that many of them are at the caliber of many AAA titles. Look, I’m not saying that you’re going to feel like you’re fucking up titans in Elden Ring, but you’re certainly not going to feel like you’re playing a steaming pile of shit, either. Developers have figured out how to merge addictive gameplay with XXX content!
Hell, some of the games that I offer on the best goddamn porn review site on the planet can be played for free! If you want to interact with some fake titties and ass, I have reviewed plenty of games that will make that happen! Take a break from watching perfect babes chug cock, and experience porn in the 21st century!
Get some of that 21st-century strange!
And speaking of the 21st century, I’ve even reviewed VR porn sites! Yeah mother fuckers! If you want to seriously feel like you are in the same room with a living piece of art (with giant tits and a tight snatch, no less!), I have reviewed the hottest fucking VR porn sites around – with many of them offering a taste of that their virtual snatches for free!
Look, there will come a day where we look back and laugh at the mother fuckers that had literal cyborg cod pieces strapped to their faces while they jerked off to perfect porn stars. We’ll laugh while watching that shit in a device that’s lodged inside of our eyeballs, and piss ourselves when we think back to them screaming, ‘it’s like I’m really there,’ while they jizzed all over themselves.
But that ain’t now. So if you want to strap that robot package to your fat fucking forehead, I’ve got the free VR pornography that’ll keep you hot and horny! Thank me later!
Slixa made my list of hot escort sites!
Come the fuck on, is it any surprise that Slixa made my list of the best escort sites around? Hell no! But take a look at my list, and you will see that Slixa had some stiff (and I mean stiff!) competition!
It all points back to what I told you horny bastards all along: I review the very best porn sites on the planet! Come visit my sexy ass, find free porn that you’re going to want to jerk off to time and time again, and find the best sites to get off to when you don’t have the time to meet up with an escort!
