Ever wonder why providers make you jump through hoops to get a first meeting with them? It's time to have a conversation about realities, risks, and why you should respect the rules that providers ask new clients to follow...
Article by Aradia Abstruse Published Blog Slixa Late Night
The thoughtful advice and opinions of the author of this article are meant to be informative and entertaining and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Slixa.
Boys, we need to have a serious chat. Let us take a moment from the usual Slixa LateNight sexiness to talk about something that cannot be ignored any longer.
Recently, a Texas jury acquitted a man who murdered an escort who, he claims was trying to scam him out of the $150 he gave her by refusing to have sex with him and then leaving. He shot her in the neck. She survived for another seven months, and then died as a result of her injuries. We have no idea what actually happened between the two of them because one of them is dead, and all we have to go on is the word of her killer.
Let that sink in for a moment: A young woman is dead, and the man who killed her got off scot-free.
This is hardly an uncommon event: According to a study published in 2003, “active prostitutes are 18 times more likely to be murdered than women of similar age and race”.
Although the risk for violence is less present for private entertainers who work indoors (and do not explicitly sell sex, but sell their fetish services or companionship), it is still present. The stigma against private entertainers means that we are still at risk.
In the last week, I’ve received no less than four clients challenging my screening techniques and policies for setting up a first session. This is always annoying, but when I am reminded that there are other women out there in this industry who are getting hurt, getting killed, it becomes especially insulting and frightening.
Entertainers create screening and deposit policies because they help us take care of ourselves. I have learned firsthand what happens when those policies don't exist. While most of the clients I have had the pleasure of working with have been polite, caring, intelligent, generous gentlemen, there have been a handful who have made me feel terribly unsafe. I have been assaulted more than once in the past two years of doing this work, and I’m lucky that I haven’t experienced more.
My screening and first session policies are useful for a few things:
- They help me figure out if this potential new client and I are going to be a good fit together, and if we aren't, I can usually recommend someone who will be. Are we going to have chemistry? Are we going to have a good time? This benefits both parties.
- They protect my time. I ask for a small deposit (usually less than 30% of the total session, often closer to 10%) from new clients. My time is valuable, and if they decide to flake, all the work that goes into setting up a session isn’t lost.
- Most importantly, they protect my physical, emotional, and mental safety. The conversation allows me to get a sense of whether this person is going to respect my boundaries. It allows my intuition to collect information and make a decision. References allow me to get a sense of how this person normally treats providers. If they offer employment information as a reference instead, it allows me to know that they are a real person, and gives me some form of recourse if they do decide to hurt me.
When I am setting up a meeting with a new client, I am vetting them to see if they are safe. I'm trying to keep a barrier between myself and those who want to hurt me. The complaints about my policies are based on worrying that someone will find out they saw me (which, as an aside, wouldn’t be very good for my business, would it?), or, as the brilliant Charlotte Shane from Tits and Sass aptly pointed out, these complaining clients are concerned about losing money. Do you see how these two things are not the same?
I know that when you think of seeing a provider, you are thinking of how gorgeous they are, and how much fun you are going to have. I know that this topic isn’t sexy, but it is important. We protect your information and your vulnerabilities. Help us protect ours.
Value us as people, value our lives, and take time to fully understand the risks we face. Remember that screening and deposit policies are an inconvenient necessity for us too. Remember that we do it to keep ourselves safe so we can keep entertaining the vast majority of you who are good people.
The hearing taking place this week could overturn laws restricting sex workers' rights. This Thursday, June 13, Canada’s Supreme Court will hear the case of Bedford v. Canada, brought by applicant Terri-Jean Bedford, a dominatrix, and two other women who have worked in the sex industry.
What makes a True Dominant or true submissive? What makes you truly kinky? The answer is far more simple than some make it out to be.