The Power of Erotic Role-Play: The ‘How’

Hopefully you didn’t speed read through the previous posts too fast, because you’ll need some familiarity with the key concepts in order to know how to play right. Make sure to re-read parts 2, 3, and 4 (the what, who, and why) and then:

1. Decide what sort of scenario appeals to you, or decide who you’d like to play as.  Most people start role-playing because they want to act out a scene from their fantasies. Pay attention to your dirty thoughts– make note of what you think about when masturbating or what porn turns you on. Are there specific character archetypes that populate your fantasy world, like teachers and students? Can you identify an overarching theme in your dirty daydreams, like religion or objectification? Maybe you have an alternate persona you slip into (or long to slip into) when turned-on, like a feminine alter ego. These scenes, themes, and characterizations should be the templates of your role-play.

If you have no specific imaginary scenarios that get you going but are curious to explore anyway, pick out the themes and characterizations that you think will be most fun for you. There’s no need to fret over the decision; unlike a theatrical play, a role-play can be changed or stopped by the actors at any point. Feel free to try on as many roles as you like!

2. Identify why you’re role-playing. Once you’ve picked your plot and your roles, take a second to ask yourself why they appeal to you. It can surprisingly difficult to identify the reasons behind our desires, especially if those desires are taboo or otherwise touchy. If, for example, you’re turned on by a doctor-patient scenario, it’s important to recognize whether the scene has any resemblance to something that’s happened to you in the past, lest you dig up traumatic emotions by acting it out. Even if the doctor role-play is pure fiction, you should know whether you’re doing it because you enjoy the medical tools as a masochist or because you enjoy the extreme power dynamic as a dominant. This will help you figure out which aspects of the scene to focus on.

3. Understand that limits can be emotional as well as physical. The biggest risk with role-play may not be the physical activities it involves. Losing yourself in a characterization or confronting a partner who seems unfamiliar in his role as interrogator can be surprisingly disturbing, as can scenes that mimic the players’ realities in uncomfortably familiar ways. Realize that emotional and psychological discomfort can be heightened during the vulnerability that often accompanies sexual acts, and give yourself permission to stop the scene for reasons other than an aching bottom.

4. Talk with your scene partner.  Once you’ve figured out your scene, your motivations, and your limits, it’s vital that you communicate them to your partner. Simply telling her to play the naughty nurse isn’t enough. Discuss the nurse archetype you want her to embody, explain to her why it turns you on, and delineate the boundaries of the improvisation by going over the sorts of things you want to focus on and those you want to avoid. Make to sure to ask her how she feels about the whole thing, too!

5. Consider the three major physical elements: costume, props, and set. Once you’ve gotten past the planning stages, it’s time to start gathering your material. One of the biggest issues people have with role-play is that it can be difficult to suspend their disbelief enough to dive into the role and enjoy the fantasy. The best way to avoid breaking is to hold onto visual cues. These don’t always have to be elaborate. If you’re playing the naughty nurse, you don’t necessarily have to have a uniform, but you can surely rustle up a shirt dress and some latex gloves. Props can also be handy (especially after the clothes have come off!), so bring out a Bible for your nun role-play, and try to incorporate it into the corporal punishment!

The set is usually the most challenging aspect. After all, it’s hard to pretend you’re a bad schoolboy when you’re sitting in your own bedroom instead of a classroom. You can try finding a chalkboard or desk to set the scene, but if you can’t, don’t pretend you’re back in your fifth grade homeroom. Imagination will only get you so far. Instead, try incorporating your current setting into the story of the role-play: act out the scene of a slacker schoolboy going to his teacher’s apartment for a little extra tutoring.

6. Remember that role-play is about attitude and ingenuity, not acting chops.  Don’t get stressed if you were never the theatrical type. Rest assured that an earnest attitude and a willingness to improvise is far more important to private plays than your ability to method act. The goal isn’t to entertain a crowd; it’s to enjoy some kinky fun with your partner. Which brings us to our last point…

7. Have fun!!!

Read the other articles in this installment series:

The Power of Erotic Role-Play: Introduction

The Power of Erotic Role-Play: The ‘Who’

The Power of Erotic Role-Play: The ‘What’

The Power of Erotic Role-Play: The ‘Why’

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